Lie Back And Think Of Earth
by Starkk
Summary: Matthew Gideon and Sarah Chambers end up in an interesting situation. Slight Blake's 7 crossover.


Background note: The Ultra have been shoplifted from the Blake's 7 episode 'Ultraworld'. The scene below played out approximately the same, except of course, being a 1970s/80s BBC production, everyone behaved themselves in the end ;)  
  
******  
  
The Excalibur had encountered a object in space that was unlike anything even Eilerson had ever seen. Gideon lead the mission to explore it himself. Managing to get inside the vast artificial planetoid had been simple. Unfortunately they had been immediately attacked by humanoids that had seemed uncannily like zombies. Gideon and Chambers had found themselves separated from the rest of the team, and then captured and put in a prison cell by the apparent leader of the world - the mysterious Ultra...  
  
***  
  
Gideon was aghast. 'No! We won't do it.'  
  
  
  
The bizarre creature that only seemed to be known as the Ultra replied, 'Do you speak for her?'  
  
  
  
Chambers nodded. 'Definitely. That is one thing you can't make us do.' Ultra stared back at them cooly through the view screen. Sarah found herself puzzling over the contradiction of its seemingly human appearance and his lurid blue skin momentarily, before tuning back into the conversation.   
  
'...might offer an inducement.'  
  
  
  
Gideon was snorting. 'Like what? A year's leave on Disneyplanet?'  
  
  
  
Ultra ignored him. 'You are searching for a way to cure the plauge that has infected your people, yes? It is possible we may be able to help you.'  
  
Matthew and Sarah exchanged shocked glances. She felt a burst of hope, tempered by the fact that it was likely lying for its own ends.   
  
'You have the Cure?' She felt almost ill with hope.  
  
'Yes. However, we require a record of the human bonding ceremony.'  
  
  
  
'Why? What use does such...uh...information...serve?' Gideon asked, blushing.  
  
'Maybe they should be talking to Max,' though Chambers. 'On the other hand, the thought of being stuck in this situation with Eilerson was too ghastly to contemplate.'  
  
  
  
'The accumulation of data is our sole function and purpose,' stated the Ultra.  
  
'So this world or vessel or whatever it is, is actually an encyclopaedia?' Matthew said.  
  
  
  
The Ultra nodded. 'We have collected a great deal of information about Earth and its dominant species, with one important omission. We intend to rectify that deficiency.'  
  
  
  
Sarah asked, 'And if we agree?' Gideon shot her an odd look but she ignored him.  
  
  
  
'We shall release you and your other crew members and we share all information contained in the encyclopaedia on the virus you call "The Drakh Plauge".'  
  
  
  
'Matthew, I think we should accept the offer.'  
  
  
  
'Why should we believe what they say?'  
  
The computer console beneath the view screen lit up and began spewing data. Chambers dashed over to it and eagerly read the contents.  
  
'Well?' demanded Gideon.  
  
She turned to him and nodded.  
  
  
  
He gulped. 'I guess we have ourselves a deal.'  
  
She grinned, leaned over and kissed him deeply.  
  
  
  
'Has the bonding ceremony begun?' Ultra enquired.  
  
  
  
'You could say so. But we do better without interruptions,' she snapped.  
  
The view screen went dark as Sarah pulled Matthew over to the bed.  
  
***  
  
A decade later, Drakh War heroes Matthew and Sarah Gideon-Chambers found themselves at a diplomatic function with Matthew's hero, General Ivanova.  
  
'...and then the Lumati ambassador said we would seal the treaty in the traditional manner - by having sex! I managed to get out of it by grabbing his hand and jumping around a bit, and then telling him we'd done it.'  
  
The dinner party guests burst out laughing.  
  
'I have never heard that story before,' grinned Suzanna Luchenko.  
  
'I keep it pretty quiet,' Ivanova replied.  
  
'Something similar once happened to me a long time ago,' commented Sarah. 'I saw the aliens would be easily fooled as they had no information on human reproduction at all.'  
  
'So I guess you took the most pleasant way out of the whole mess, too,' said the General.  
  
'Absolutely,' said Chambers, as she smiled at her flabberghasted husband. 


End file.
